I’m so thankful for this college break! However, I have not been able to enjoy it because I am not doing well on the health front. I had that huge stressful weekend a few weeks ago and never recovered completely, then I tried some new products/supplements that did not agree with my MESSED UP gut, which then caused a “stop up” (ifyouknowwhatimean) and that causes trouble… well, I felt like i was making a *TINY* good progress then BAM – I decided to be a DUMMY and did exercise that I haven’t done in a while last night. I ate my snack last night and could tell it was not digesting like normal and prob needed an extra hour or two to digest, but I was tired so I know I went to bed with undigested food sitting… equals bad. Woke up and ate too many rice cakes.. bad. I’ve just been laying around this morning. I dunno anymore. Weight and body fat have gone up and I feel a little dazed – plus can feel the inflammation in my back from the gut.

The only time I had really, really good improvements in the past was when I completely cut out grains and fruit. Yes, at first the detox/withdrawal is overwhelming and HELL, but after about 2 weeks I felt amazing. I’m just scared to do it again because it makes me feel like DEATH. I have to make a big diet change – have to, have to, have to… (and keep that diet change!) if I ever want my gut to regenerate and to be able to exercise/run again. AND I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT THAAAAAAT. MORE THAN ANYTHING. Running still means everything to me, even though I haven’t been able to. People who can exercise and eat normally? They better feel hella lucky and never, ever take it for granted. =( I still feel like this isn’t real sometimes – like this is some sort of cruel nightmare, but I know I have control and can HEAL. The body is always trying to heal!!!!!! but I keep putting foods into it that only stir up and hinder my gut from doing it’s own healing. We humans are brilliant, aren’t we?

Just have to hold on. Other than that, I’m just trying to live my life but it’s hard when you can’t focus and feel like your gut/back is on fire most of the time. I WILL OVERCOME!! I will. It’s been a long fight these last few years, but it’s always been in my control. It’s up to me to help my body.