I am tired! Might go to sleep a bit earlier tonight or might not, lol 😆 Might just stretch out on the couch for a little.

Check out this neat, cute little flash game, I’m addicted!
http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm

Pretty average day.. cleaned up the apartment today. It was actually a tad bit warmer outside and tonight It was cool not that bitter cold that I don’t like. We had McDonalds for dinner since on Fridays there’s usually not much to eat in the house. Was actually very good. I’ve been wanting something to eat to satisfy my tummy since nothing seems to make my tummy satisfied.

We might go to the mall tomorrow! Yay! It’ll be good to actually go out somewhere and maybe buy something or atleast get to look at more baby items!!! Hehehe. Alright, everyone have a great Friday night!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

What a DAY!!!!!!!! I’m so happy I can’t even explain it!

SO my temp the last few days has been higher than usual.. I thought well, I’ll see what my temp is gonna be Wednesday then go from there. I thought, ah, my temp will probably fall back down. I woke up this morning and my temp was 98.66!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thinking OMGGGGGG, THIS HAS TO BE IT! I dug out my pregnancy test I’ve had stored away in my closet for the last, like, 6 months LOL! Today I am 15DPO so I was gonna surprise Hubby, sneak and get the test, go in the bathroom this morning but I knew he would be right at the door wondering what was going on, lol. So I told him I was gonna test! 😀 He smiled at me as he stood in the kitchen and I closed the door.. I was already shaking! SO, do my thing and set the test on the counter and wait wait wait. In the past I’ve always held my hand over the test so I couldn’t see it LOL. So once I waited a bit, I peered over my hand… Read the rest of this entry »

Thank you guys for the comments on my last post! Yeah, this whole TTC thing hasn’t been easy but I’m hoping and gonna keep on trying.

I think instead of doing online work I need to get myself out there. This is sad but I’ve never had an outside job. Brad does not like his job at all. We’re thinking about going for a Dell call support center job. Brad’s friends work there and Brad has always wanted to work there – only thing that stopped me is because I don’t like to talk on the phone. I figure though If I just go for it, maybe I’ll even adjust to liking to talk to people on the phone. If we both worked there we’d be making about as much as Brad does by himself so yeah. He wants to leave his job he has now so bad. I need to get Brad’s Grandma/Grandpa to take me to get my ID and while I’m there I’ll even pick up a driving booklet so I can get my permit so atleast I can practice driving safely haha. Once I get my ID, I’d like to get my own bank account.

I think I would be so much happier out working. I’d actually feel like making myself all pretty and I know we would make friends up there. Mostly all the people up there are young and we can wear ordinary clothes and I can keep my piercings!!!! And the job has lots of benefits, paid vacations, paid holidays. If Brad puts in a 2 week notice that should give me enough time to get things situated. I know we would both get the job because lots of Brad’s friends have worked there and we know one of the main guys.

Lastly, I think I need to get out there because I tell you, my social skills are nearing low numbers haha. Ever since High School ended, I haven’t had much contact with anyone. And I know having my own outside job would make me feel better to know I’m making a decent amount of money to help me and Brad, we’d be working together for it. Only thing is, we’d have to have similar hours since I don’t drive yet. I love staying at home but there is so much more out there and I don’t want to waste my life away! I want friends too. And I’m sure I can get atleast a handful of people up there to start playing Lord of the Rings Online since most of them are mad gamers mwahaha! :]

I need to focus on getting the job, eating as good as I can, get back to exercising 6/7 days of the week on the treadmill like I used to (that was the ONLY way I lost weight was to exercise a LOT, like 3 miles a day) then when all is said and done for the day Brad and I can come home to our games, lol.

Okie gotta go make our bed and wait for this Lord of the Rings Online server to download – they have an “extra” server for when the others are down (their down for maintenance until 3PM) and the server is at 72%! Once It’s down I get to go on there and preview the new player HOUSING that’s coming out at the end of this month, woot! Heh I’m such a LOTRO nerd :]

This whole trying to conceive thing is so draining. Espically when I HOPE HOPE HOPE for it to happen and then each time It doesn’t. It’s now been over a year. Coming up close to being a year since I started my medicine. I go back to the Doctor October 30th so maybe she can figure something else out. I dunno.. sometimes I just want to throw the towel in and say forget it but then again I try to hang on to hope.

In other bad news, yesterday I got a message on Myspace from a girl I know from High School asking If I had heard about my best friend Krista’s daughter. I told her no? Last time I saw Krista and her son + daughter was when Mom moved away in August. Apparently, Anna (her daughter) was taking a nap, vomited and choked to death.. 🙁 I feel so heavy hearted for her. Anna was a beauuuuutiful little baby. Had the cutest little face. Gosh and Krista was big time crazy about her kids so I can’t even imagine how she is feeling right now. I want to call her but I am no good with words when It comes to situations like these. I might attempt even just to show her I care and that I’m there for her even though I just won’t know what to say. I was talking to Mom about it and Mom lost a son – Jimmy when he was only 19 hours old and she said that there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t think of him.

I just hope Krista can make it through okay.

Sorry I haven’t been updating here at all.. just haven’t. I never really have that much to say anyhow.

Saturday, me, Brad and his cousin helped my aunt, my cousin, my aunts friend and my mom load up the moving truck. Mom is now in Georgia ATM. It’s never going to the same anymore.. I just feel hopeless about life. Hopefully things will pick up and I can get modivated to get my life really going! *sigh* Oh well. I need friends. Speaking of.. my (used to be) bestest friend in the whole wide world stopped by with her 2 kids Saturday since Mom was MOVING. YEAH, that’s the only time friends stop by is when your MOVING or someone DIED. We exchanged cell phone numbers.. we’ll see how that goes. I highly doubt it’ll go anywhere since we tried that like 2 years ago, had 1-2 phone calls and that was it. OH WELL.

Mom is my best friend.. atleast when she was living 45 min away I could go sit and talk with her every now and then. I love doing that. Now I’ll only get to see her 1-2 times a YEAR. =( Brad is my best friend too but I need a girl to hang out with, talk to, do things with. Maybe one day. Gonna go finish my dinner now then play Lord of the Rings Online. I’m ready for FALL weather.. It’s been too damn hot here. OH before I go, Mom gave me and Brad her washer and dryer!!! It’s awesome =) My (used to be) bestest friend and Brad’s aunt both asked us this weekend when we were gonna have babies… HAHA GOOD QUESTION! I’m about to throw the towel in and say It’ll happen when It’s meant to happen. I hate taking my temp, watching my chart and only to hope hope hope hope hope then have my period show and be completely and utterly devestated. I’m really thinking I’m gonna not take my temp this month, just go with the flow. Whatever. I go back to the doctor at the end of September so yeah. K, i’m out.

Wow, It is supposed to be like 100+ degrees all week long! And Brad has to work in these conditions! He said yesterday that a guy had a heat stroke at his work! Speaking of, Brad is attempting to get me a job there! It would be EXCELLENT money for us but I would have to be out in the heat with Brad too. We’ll see what happens!

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. Well, my Mom is moving to Georgia this weekend. I know I’m gonna be really sad when this weekend comes. I also look forward to seeing my Cousin and Aunt again. I’m also going to get to bring home a lot of items with us and Mom is letting us have her washer and dryer!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m stoked about that! I just don’t know what to think about her moving to GA and the fact that she isn’t gonna be 45 minutes away anymore. We can’t just take random trips to GA whenever we please. Brad only has 2 times of the year where he has vacation. *sigh*

Nothing else is really going on.. PMS is here and I’m running out of a positive thinking about trying for a baby. It’s been a year now since we started “trying” and It’ll be a year since I started taking the Metformin in November. I go back to the Doctor at the end of September so maybe she can figure something out then. I know this isn’t much of an entry but I’m gonna go eat my sausage biscuit now. *wave*

Thank you guys for the comments! As far as the kidney infection goes, I don’t know If I had one or was on the verge of getting one but I spent 2 days drinking nothing but water and I seem to be fine now so I guess that’s what I needed, hehe.

Brad and I had a fall out last week and It kindof put us in an iffy spot with one another but we finally made it through back to our old selves again. Every couple is gonna have things to try to work out and work through and this just happened to be our time.

Gah, I can’t believe I’m up this early!!!! Brad woke me up this morning around 5:30AM so I could take my temp (for TTC purposes) and I think I went back to sleep for just a little while then woke up at 6AM and couldn’t go back to sleep so here I am still. It’s now 7:30AM and I am STARVING – so much that I feel sick so I think I’m gonna go eat a sausage biscuit here in a minute.

Mom left for Georgia on Friday. She’s got an appointment with Section 8 Monday to get all the things settled so she can move there. She’s gonna stay all week then come back Saturday? I think? She told me and Brad to come over when they get back and they might be going ahead and moving then? I dunno. I just know I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. *sigh*

Yesterday was very interesting. Brad and I got up around noon? Sat around – hadn’t even got dressed and his friend Alex called and wanted us to come along with him and his girlfriend to a LAN party hosted by a bunch of people that they both work with. I didn’t really wanna go… but I told myself, hey, It’s a way out of the house and to spend some time with other people so we got dressed, loaded up and met them. We left Brad’s truck at a gas station then loaded up into Alex’s girlfriends car. Umm, well It was a very disorganized LAN party, lol. Everybody was playing different games instead of all playing the same game at once. I got to play Need For Speed: Carbon! Pretty awesome game! :grinny: Alex and Brad went and bought us Taco Bell for dinner, YUM! We stayed until about 8:30PM then decided we’d go. Wound up in Wal-Mart for quite some time, looking for various items then just wandering. Eventually, drove back to Brad’s truck and It was storming at the time – told them goodbye then headed on home ourselves. We got home about 10:30PM and our Internet was out. It kept going in and out. We had some pretty good lightning and thunder + rain. Kept hoping the Internet would come back so I could play some Lord of the Rings Online but It never did, ugh. Brad sat and read his book while I fiddled with my desktop and listened to music. Finally, after 2AM we headed to sleep.

Now here it is Sunday! We need to go grocery shopping and I need to wash my hair! Then tonight is an all new episode of THE 4400 and THE DEADZONE, squeeeee!!! The Deadzone looked like it was gonna be AWESOME so I can’t wait!!!!! :happy: Alright, you guys have a great day! :grinny:

Weekends always fly by don’t they? This coming Sunday is mine and Brad’s 4 YEAR ANNIVERSARY (not wedding but him-asking-me-out anni) heheheh I CAN’T WAIT. We’re definetly gonna go do something!!! :love: :love: :love:

I was thinking about big life decisions. Brad and I were talking about college. I’ve thought about it and I could go back but.. I’ve just been out for so long. Thinking Algebra and Chemistry again? EW, UGH. And really, honestly I feel like I’m not a college person, yenno? Then again, I might think about taking online college like my hubbys cousin did. I dunno. I just have NO IDEA what I want to do. I tried to get “guidance” about it in High School but it led me nowhere. Also, I NEED to get a job. ChaCha makes me a tiny extra but I use it for my Lord of the Rings Online payment plus some money “put aside” but really, I don’t make anything to help us. I’m hoping to get a job at one of the places close by so I can walk there every day. Would be exercise and MONEY yay. I think I could handle college + job but Brad has told me many, many times that he absolutley couldn’t handle college + his job. Maybe If I tried to convince him to take the online course with me too? I doubt it. I was also telling Brad that If I did go back to college and had a job then It probably wouldn’t be the best time to have a baby. But I want a baby! I have that big baby urge going on! I started to get upset this weekend even thinking about not trying to have a baby. So my plan is hopefully this – get a job around here for now, put some cash aside for a few months then apply for Medicial Transcription “training / school” and then I can work from home! That way when we do have a baby, I can stay home and not have to worry about a babysitter. I feel that is the right thing for me to do. Now to just find a job…

How was your weekend? Friday night Brad went with his Stepdad to the gun and knife show. Brad wanted me to come along but I just didn’t think I’d find any thrill in going to look at a bunch of guns. Hahaha. I just stayed home, took a nap then got up and played LOTRO until he got home sometime after 10pm. Saturday hm. Brad’s cousin came back over to hang out and we went to Wal-Mart to go grocery shopping. Didn’t do much… slept in past 1pm Sunday lol. Spent ALL afternoon/evening CLEANING the whole apartment! I’m so proud lol and so sore hahah. Everything is really clean now EXCEPT for the living room. See, Brads cousin doesn’t like cleaning products so I didn’t clean the living room last night. I also moved our recliner and coffee table to different spots in the living room so Brad would have somewhere to put his drink when he sits on the couch INSTEAD OF SITTING THEM ON THE COUCH! Ugh. I swear. All I have to do today is clean the Iguana tank, give him a bath + feed him then clean the living room up and spray spray spray some good smellin stuff all around the apartment!

Gonna finish eatin my apples and fruit dip and I’m off to get things done! Have a great day!! :happy: :grinny:

This weekend didn’t turn out the way I really wanted it to but that’s okay.

Friday night me, Brad and his cousin went to the mall since his cousin wanted to look for something. I went and got my eyebrows done – finally!!! :grinny: Then we walked around a little more before heading out. Decided to go eat out at the CHINESE BUFFET! Heck yes! I hadn’t had chinese since our little chinese restaurant here in town went to HELL. I ate so much shrimp, lol. It was so delicious though. They had COCONUT shrimp.. oh man. I ate until I couldn’t anymore then I still wanted to eat the rest!!! OH and they had sweet mushrooms that were SO AWESOMELY GOOD. After we were done eating, they wanted to go to Wal-Mart right quick so they went in and I just stayed in the car since I didn’t feel like walking anymore plus I was too full haha. After they were done in Wally World we headed home. It was 11pm when we got home and they wanted to go to Brad’s Moms house to use Brads Stepdads drill coz they were trying to get some batteries to fit in a flashlight. Went over there and I think it was almost 1AM when we finally came home for good.

Saturday was the day we had all planned to go bowling and such. Well, PMS decided to show up for me leaving me NOT in the chipper mood. I knew everyone was gonna be all happy and I knew I just wouldn’t be. And Brad would probably stand there and ask me every 5 minutes “Are you okay?” So I thought It would be best If I didn’t go BUT I WANTED TO GO so badly! Ugh. STUPID PMS. Brads friend came over about 5 and Brad, Kenny and Brad’s cousin James left. I didn’t really do much… talked to Mom on the phone for a few hours. They didn’t get home until after 1AM!!! Brad did buy me a book – thought It was sweet of him. He got me “The Unofficial Guide To Getting Pregnant” Heh. Even though I don’t EVEN wanna look at it right now. Sometimes I just feel hopeless but I’m trying to hold on. I know It will happen, It’s just.. ugh. So of course Brad was talking about how GOOD of a time they had and smiling.. which only made me feel more upset. I’ve been mostly laying around the remainder of the weekend.

Yesterday me, Brad and his cousin all went grocery shopping. Got everything we wanted to get and I was trying to pick out something to eat for dinner for me for last night. Could NOT find ANYTHING I wanted. We looked and looked. It was pissing me off… nothing sounded good. Not to mention I’d felt sick at my stomach yesterday (and a little today too) so I finally decided to try some little steaks. Came home and I was so tired so I went and took a nap. I was OUT. I finally woke up and Brad was cooking my steaks! :love: He said, “Hey, I was gonna surprise you!” Hehehe. They were yummy little steaks and I also cooked some whole corn with it. And the rest of Sunday drifted away now here we are, Monday!

We were supposed to go hang out with some friends yesterday but the husband had to work so maybe we can get together sometime real soon. Ugh.. I had better go eat my late lunch, I’m starting to feel sick. ALSO, I’m starting to drop a slight pound or 2 since I picked back up on my exercising! I’m gonna exercise Tuesday – Friday of this week! :loopy: Man I can’t wait to lose 10 more pounds then I’ll be getting closer to the 50 pounds lost mark, WOO! Have a great rest of the day!!!!!! 😀

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven’t updated sooner but I just really haven’t wanted to. How was your Memorial Day weekend? What did you do???

I thought we weren’t really gonna have any plans but! Brad’s friend Kenny invited us over for a BBQ and was inviting a few other of Brad’s High School friends yay!!!! Got up early Saturday and the BBQ was at noon so we arrived right around then. Brad’s friends Kenny, Chase, Bubba and his wife + their 3 week old baby!!! BTW, the baby was so tiny and precious!!! He has a feeding tube right now since his tummy is too small as far as holding milk goes. Ate some yummy hot dogs, hamburgers, sausage! Then Brad and I got to play Kenny’s Wii!!! I was kindof nervous at first haha but we played the sports HAHA I LOVE the Wii bowling and tennis! Me and Brad had a blast with it LOL. Then a little while longer Brad got to play Wario! CRAZY, awesome game! :grinny: We didn’t stay too long after that – told everyone bye and headed off. Decided to put off grocery shopping until Sunday since we both just wanted to go home and relax.

Everything was going great until Brad told me he wanted to take a whole box of allergy pills to get high. I told him not to do it. He got pissy, threw the box and said fuck it. Oooh boy was I mad at him. WTF?!?!?! I told him I CARE ABOUT HIM AND HIS HEALTH! He was still huffy. He eventually admitted that he was being stupid. Well, YEAH. *sigh* He KNOWS how I feel about drugs/pill poppers. Saturday when we saw Brads friends wifes baby, Brad was saying how much he wanted a baby soo bad but he wants to pull crap like that????????? UGH.

Sunday we went grocery shopping and had a pretty good day. He told me that he knows I was just trying to protect him (as far as the pills go) and that he would have done the same thing if it were me. I would surely hope so!!! And then yesterday he didn’t have work and we didn’t do much.. then yesterday evening we went and ate at his Moms like usual then Brad’s friends Alex and his g/f Amanda wanted to come hang out so they came about 7:30ish and didn’t leave until 11pm lol. It was awesome having them over though!!! 😀

While taking my nap today I had an interesting dream. I can’t remember most of the dream, I just remember I was pregnant with a big belly and I felt the baby kick!! And told Brad to FEEL!! Got him to feel too and we were both so excited, I was crying! Gosh, It seemed so real. I WANT THAT BELLY!!!!!!!! – on a different note, sometime this weekend my little gerbil passed away. R.I.P Bruno..

OH and Ranee – I’ve been taking Metformin for over 6 months now and yeah, It does cause havoc with my stomach most of the time but I strive through it. If it’ll help my hormones and achieving pregnancy then I’m gonna hang on for all it’s worth!!!