Happy Friday! I’m not really in a blogging mood at all…..

Mom didn’t get her Docs appointment this morning, so she’s gonna try to schedule us BOTH an appointment for next week. We’ll see what happens. She was TOTALLY bummed that she couldn’t get in today.

I finished my college work for the week. Katie played all morning while I watched reruns of Dr. Oz that my Mom had taped for me last week. Did anyone see the segment about the woman TRYING to gain weight to be the heaviest woman?? I was shocked… and saddended. They said she eats around 20,000 CALORIES A DAY. Just wow. Love watching The Doctors and Dr. Oz! Basically, that was my morning. Katie went down for nap and I took one too.

Brad came home then we dropped Katie off at Moms….. went shopping…. came home, put Katie to bed, and now here I am! I’ve eaten way too much once again today, but I know why. I bought this new soy protein powder last week and it’s really sweet (17g of sugar a serving) and…… I can’t put it down! I really wanna get my eating straightened out so I can get my insulin under control a little better. Looks like I’ll be eating a lot of eggs.

Tomorrow is a new day… gonna try again tomorrow. That’s all I can do. Not happy with my choices to go all out and cause even more mess up with my insulin but yeah. Cravings are a b*tch.

Time to start watching more taped reruns of The Doctors that I got from Mom today, WOOOHOOOOOOO! I think Brad and I are gonna mostly WALK around our town tomorrow. That’ll burn some calories and I am excited because it’s supposed to feel GOOD outside! Speaking of, it felt really cool outside this evening.

Hope your Friday has been great! Goodbye September!!!!!!!! Sheesh. This year will be over before we know it.

Deffo need a change in my life.

Mom goes to the Doc tomorrow morning and is gonna ask her Doc if he knows anything about PCOS/insulin and if he does, then she’s gonna see about getting an appointment for me!! If not, then I’ll schedule an appointment for late Oct with the Endo I talked to recently. I’m gonna take care of my health and THEN I NEED A JOB. I have never worked out of the home and Mom has said she will watch Katie… but if she gets sick (Mom) then I would have to get someone else – which we’ll deal with that when/if it happens. If I had a job, I would have so many opportunities as far as friends and getting out more! Katie is really getting an attitude with us at home… I know it’s because she’s so isolated with me all day and we’re just feeding off of each others stress.

Take care of my health > Get a job > GET A REAL LIFE! > Get my college degree > LIVE MY PASSION

Who knows what else may come up in all that!!! I’m just ready to feel good health wise again. I’m also ready to feel “alive” and not just stressed all the time at home with Katie. Years ago I was not ready to venture out into the world….. then I lost weight, changed my life, changed my thoughts, changed everything and was ready to get out but I didn’t have a babysitter for Katie. We moved here and Mom knew that she might not be able to watch Katie as often as she’d like because of her health, but she said since Katie is doing more by herself, she should be no problem to watch since my Mom won’t have to do as much as far as using a lot of energy since she gets tired very easily.

Anyhow. Today I mostly laid around, did some college work….. more stress with Katie. Usual.

I was ready to go this afternoon to walk to Mom’s house!!!!!! YES! We sat on her porch for a bit then came inside and talked up a storm! ;D OH and she gave me a desk lamp, yay!!!! And also gave me some of the Disney movies (that were mine as a kid) to let Katie watch! Including my fav……. THE LION KING!

I’m just SO READY to get my health better so I can go forward with my life. It is beyond time for me to get out of this house and be the WOMAN I wanna be!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m excited to see what the future holds!

One of my church friends had told me Monday that she was gonna meet another friend at the park that is close to my place… and had said that I should come with Katie and hang out too. Well, I debated on it. Some days I feel a little more motivated, but most of the time I’m just tired and don’t want to do a whole lot. I’m lucky that I motivate myself enough to walk on the treadmill like I have been.

This morning I COULD of went back to sleep for a while longer after I ate breakfast…. but I decided to challenge myself to stay up, get Katie ready, and head to the park! That’s exactly what we did. I fed Katie, let her go potty while I fixed my green juice then we loaded up for the walk to the park. My church friend was already there when we arrived so the babies/kids played while we chatted a bit. Not long after that, our other church friend showed up with her baby boy! Eventually, quite a few other kids showed up at the park and Katie had so much fun playing with a little girl who I think was 4 years old.

My church friend was gonna leave the park and go walk to the post office then walk back to the park so I decided to go walk towards the post office with her (since it’s on my way home anyway) and of course Katie was not happy with that! We went our ways and Katie & I came home and she got set up with a movie while I went to get a quick shower then start working on my college work before LUNCH. We both ate then she played… mostly danced with her baby doll, lol. She is a MESS! I love her… I just stay annoyed with her most of the time. She really has such an attitude already. Ooooh boy.

Thankfully, she did go to sleep and actually took a nap, so I eventually did the same. I worked on college a little more this evening then ate dinner. We just got done watching this week’s eppy of THE BIGGEST LOSER! LMAO…….. loved BOB’s morning singing!! LOL! I would LOVE to work out with Bob. Honestly, I cannot WAIT until fitness/health is ALL THAT I DO. I want to talk about it, train, etc etc ALLLLLLLLL DAAAAAAAY LONG!!! I can totally relate to Antone’s comment when he said he still feels like an athlete but isn’t able to do what he used to do……. CAN TOTALLY RELATE since my health went down down because I want that fire back so badly, but until I resolve my health – I can’t get there.

Hoping when Mom talks to her Doc Friday that he can help me. If not, I’ll keep searching. I will not give up. My health MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. Rawr!!!!!!!!!! Well, I guess it’s bed time. Have a great night and remember….. you have the power to CHANGE if you are not happy with your life!

I spent the morning trying to call around to diff Doctors. First one didn’t have a new patient appointment until October 21st. Next one didn’t have an appointment until 2nd week in NOVEMBER. I talked with my Mom and she’s going for an appointment with her general Doc either Thursday or Friday and is gonna ask him If he knows anything about PCOS/insulin….. we’ll see. IF HE DOES THEN THAT WILL BE SUPER AWESOME. If not, I guess i’ll try to go with the Oct 21st appointment. I just really hope my Mom’s Doc can help me out. Gotta get my cholestrol checked and another liver panel. My bet is that they will both be elevated in areas.

Once I was done with all that, I did my treadmill + Secret Life time then lunch and after Katie went down for nap, I worked on some college.

Nothing much for the day…… just hoping for the rest and ready to eat my dessert!!!

My plan is to watch reruns of Dr. Oz tonight. EXCITED to watch Biggest Loser tomorrow……… woot woot!

Pretty boring day……. laundry, walking on the treadmill. Nothing out of the usual this morning.

THIS EVENING – I got to go out with a church friend! We went to visit one of our church members and SURPRISE this person on their birthday, yay!! Afterwards, we stopped by Goodwill and then I needed to go by Kroger’s to pick up a few things since I’m gonna TRY MY HARDEST to get back on track with my eating. If I want to start to get my body/weight/health under control I’ve gotta try to calm the carb cravings I’ve been giving into. Ugh. I am so puffy from eating all the carbs….. great.

We’re still trying to figure out the car situation. Another ugh.

I’m just trying to remember my many blessings I DO HAVE. Thankful to be alive. Gotta get started with my college work tomorrow morning and hopefully the rest of the week will go by well.

I’m off to watch another episode of The Doctors that my Mom recorded for me last week!! Love that show.

Sunday. Today I…
– had a good time at church.
– was inspired in so many ways to step it up in my life again.
– ate plenty of veggies and NO OATS! (since I’ve been overindulging in oats the last few days)
– made some fresh & delicious dandelion, apple, carrot, and lemon juice.
– took a loooong nap that was so nice!
– found out I can’t watch the new FRINGE episode online until EIGHT DAYS AFTER it airs on TV…. noOooO!
– watched the new episode of THE OFFICE! loved the very end :] love Pam and Jim!
– am thankful, grateful, and blessed

I still have a fear that I won’t get my energy or full health back but I know I will. I’ve just got to stay on track with my calorie plan. I WAS doing good until last Wednesday after I found out my blood results were “normal” and Wed night, I said WHATEVER and gave into foods and then had trouble backing off but If I want to straighten out my health, I’ve got to closely watch my intake and drink my FRESH juices every day.

I want to be strong and RUNNING again. I WANT THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING! and to be spiritually “in-tune” again. Am going to be positive!!!!!!

Ugh…… our car is acting up again. See, our current car was sold to us from a church friend when we lived in Hamilton, AL and we KNEW it had a messed up transmission when we bought it from said friend SO we got a new transmission and another church friend helped Brad put IN the brand new transmission. Fast forward to today while we were out and about. The car starts acting funky. We just go about our business and then tonight as we were coming home… the car wouldn’t go into reverse – which was exactly the problem when we first bought it. We’ll just have to figure out what to do.

Back up to this morning… we got sleep in and then eventually took Katie to Moms. We went to the International Store where I got a big bag of apples for THREE dollars!!! Got a heck of a lot of dandelion, lemons, and carrots. Juice city!!! Came home to drop those off then go off to another town to check out a shopping center. We walked around and checked out a few stores then FINALLY got to use our gift card we’ve had forever for……. OUTBACK!!!!!

I got the grilled Mahi with rice and green beans. IT WAS AWESOME. Then I got a side salad that was so good. We headed back towards home then checked out the Dollar Tree then Wal-Mart and HOME!

I’m gonna get a NICE shower, eat my frozen yogurt on a cone, get a little lesson together for the kiddies at church tomorrow then it’ll be real late BUT I WANNA STAY UP and watch the recorded taped episodes of The Doctors! We also have NEW episodes of The Office and FRINGE that we’ll hopefully watch tomorrow.

Feeling kindof meh again. Mostly ready to just sit back!!! Have a good night everyone.

I HAVE FOUND MY FAVORITE FRESH JUICE!!!!!

Dandelion and apple! Soooo good. Fresh dandelion juice is an awesome liver cleanser so I’m gonna be drinking plenty of juices and will keep doing it until my liver is back to full potential.

Ummm today was boring. Brad and I went shopping this evening and of course I got the dandelion and I also loaded up on ARUGULA to eat in my salads….. YUM. I went overboard on the oatmeal when we got home tonight but ah well. Brad got the same computer chair as me (except green) for a GREAT discount!!! YIPPEE!

My Mom and Aunt taped The Doctors and Dr. Oz for me this week so I think I might start watching those tonight, woohoo! Love both of them.

Random: I’m excited for the new Facebook and… I’ve had “Moves Like Jagger” in my head tonight! Watched the video earlier today, don’t mind looking at ADAM at all, heh. Well, this post has been all over the place but yeah. Hope everyone has an excellent weekend!

I can’t wait to eat more arugula… hummus… tofu… and lots of fresh juices!!! OH and brussel sprouts….. mmm. Ok I’m done, lol.

I felt a bit hopeless yesterday……

BUT. I know I can heal my liver. I’m gonna tweak my diet a bit and work on healing my liver. My PCOS got stirred up somehow in 2009 and lead to my liver being stressed out big time (aka what they call FATTY LIVER) so I’m gonna work on healing the liver with diet and supplements. From what I’ve researched, If I can get my liver back on track then my PCOS symptoms will fade like they used to be. Right now, my liver is still stressed and cannot handle a lot of fats… especially since I do not have my gallbladder.

My 24 day juice fast deffo helped, but again, I did not go back to solid food in the right manner. I’m gonna try to make veggie/fruit juices that heal my liver to go along with my solid foods… and I’M GONNA DO THIS! I don’t want to sit around and be hopeless when I CAN heal myself with the right FOOD.

I could try to go to ONE MORE DOCTOR… one that specializes in internal medicine and endocrinology (sp?) but I don’t know If I want to try another Doctor. I’m so tired of going in circles with them!

Anyhow. Today was just OK. I did some college work…. went overboard on the food last night and today since I just didn’t care! I’m getting back on track tomorrow with my tweaked food intake. Will have plenty of VEGGIES and protein! Will get my omega-3’s but gonna keep the fat intake lower until my liver heals.

What a rollercoaster I have been on.

I watched the 1st episode of the new season of BIGGEST LOSER last night!! I’m stoked for the new season and my other shows to come back!!!!!!!!!! Tonight was the start of the new season of The Office, which we’ll watch tomorrow since we don’t have cable and the Internet episodes usually always post a day after they air.

My day started with this bit of yum…

I feel so lost. I got a call this afternoon from the Doc!!!! They got my results… and wow, that was fast. My fear came true. All my bloodwork came back normal. That would “normally” be good news, RIGHT? Well, not in my case…. since that leaves me going nowhere.

What do I do from here? I don’t know. I know my liver needs some serious TLC but all I hear out of Doctors is NORMAL, NORMAL, NORMAL. I DO NOT FEEL OR LOOK “NORMAL” !!!!!!! I would love to go see a Holistic Doctor to help me sort this all out but they are not covered by insurance and we sure as HECK don’t have the extra bundles of money to spend on that. My liver enzymes have been elevated since late 2009, yet none of the Doctors KNOW WHY. I still have a feeling this is PCOS related and my gyno only tested TWO hormones for the PCOS when usually there is a whole slew of hormones that need to be checked.

GRRRRRRRRR@#$@#$. Plus, my mouth was (and still is) in pain.

I just want to be healthy again.

I don’t know.