Not every day is going to be good. Today was one of those days… I called Mom this morning and she said to give her a few hours to wake up, take her meds, etc etc then to call her back and see how she felt in regards to keeping Katie for the day. I called her back later and she said she did not feel well at all and just couldn’t keep Katie today. Ah well.

I had an AWESOME breakfast this morning….

First, I made a shake out of my enhanced Silk milk plus the supplement powder sample I got from Whole Foods THEN poured it on top of my lovely Kashi cereal… it was certainly excellent.

I’m feeling so MEEEEH this evening so this entry is gonna be short. I cleaned house, Katie threw temper tantrums and then she finally went down for her nap. I was thankful that Brad decided to take over on potty duties today. That is the biggest issue around here. I was telling Brad today that I feel like I can never just completely relax!!!! I have to constantly be wrangling Katie and back/forth with the potty all day long PLUSSS everything else. It’s seriously taking a toll on me AND KATIE. Everything I say to her is aggressive and I don’t mean to be but I’m just worn thin of the vicious cycle. I’ve got to find a way to obtain balance… If Katie could and WOULD go to the potty on her own that would make things a LOT easier but even when I tell her to go potty, she FIDDLES AROUND and then I have to direct her straight to the potty or else she would just pee in her pull-up… oh wait, she does that anyway, especially lately! Then we have the temper tantrums every time she is told not to do something she’s not supposed to be doing and a temper tantrum for this… and for that. I just want to relax. I also told Brad I can’t even enjoy the normal things I have ALWAYS ENJOYED because of all this with Katie every day. I love singing, exercise and cleaning but can’t even enjoy those things anymore because those things are surrounded by the vicious potty-tantrum cycle.

I just don’t want to feel stuck in this cycle anymore. Katie is being affected because she is also acting aggressive because I have been. And what I mean by aggressive is using a “tone” of voice all the time.

Have I mentioned I’ve never been much of a baby/toddler person?! My Mom babysat kids while I was a kid and I would rather be outside playing than interacting with other babies my Mom was keeping… and to be honest, I have always felt that way, even now. Yes, I wanted a child so we could have a family BUT ONE IS ENOUGH FOR MEEEEEEEE. Raising Katie has been one of the hardest struggles I have ever been through and of course it’s a LOOONG STRUGGLE.

Anyway. Lunch was a dish that I had over and over and over and OVER in 2009 when I was losing weight! Except instead of my turkey link sausages I used to use, I bought some vegan sausage links that were decent. Egg scramble and toast!!!

Atleast I got my college rough draft paper done and turned in. Another thing we’re facing is that Brad was hoping to switch to a major for college he was really wanting and he found out today that it isn’t available in our area so he isn’t sure what he is going to do.

All this has led me to eat way too many carbs today. Atleast I’ve made sure to get plenty of essential fatty acids… trying to think of the positives. Sucks that we didn’t get to go out or be baby-free today but life goes on. Hopefully tomorrow will be much better. Even though today hasn’t been the greatest, I am thankful. Always.

Guess I will go shower, relax then get ready for Sunday. *…….sigh*